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Sand by ~achildapart:iconachildapart:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Nature > Haiku & Eastern


Words written in sand,
Taken by the ocean's tides,
Words left unspoken.
©2006-2010 ~achildapart
:iconachildapart:

Author's Comments

I've never been big into haikus, but i've been trying a few out recently. Mostly because I'm in a game of "haiku tag" with a freind. I've never enjoyed reading them or writing them, but I have been recently. Critique is welcome, no point is too small to mention and no change is too big to make.

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:icondiamondie:
*diamondie Jul 1, 2006, 9:38:42 AM
I like the first two lines, but the last one seems very un-haikulike to me, it almost makes the whole thing feel like a chorus of a pop song. So I'd really like to see something else in the ending, not sure what to suggest though.
:iconachildapart:
~achildapart Jul 1, 2006, 2:23:34 PM
Thank you, I'll try to work on it. It really was more the haiku form, not subject, except that it was about the ocean. I'll see what I can work out, thank you again
:iconfoxgirl353:
~foxgirl353 Jul 1, 2006, 7:56:31 PM
well i certainly like it.
i can never write a haiku...i seem to always have far more words to say.
haha

--
who is left to save me? :blackrose:
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June 30, 2006
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